things that are wonderful

Dr. Tolia.

I can't count the number of doctors who have told me that they can't figure out what's wrong with me and so I just want to be sick. one of the reasons that I like Dr. Tolia is because he actually believes me that I'm sick. moreso, I like him because he makes me well.

the holidays mean listening to my family explain how nobody actually needs medication and calling people who have disabilities things like 'handicrappers.' because I do not want to be a gimp, it's easy to agree that I, as my brother says, need to stop making excuses and be a normal human being already.



(he says that about medication and disabilities in general; not specifically about me)

I don't want to need medication, lifestyle "changes," or accommodation. I am not completely debilitated. normal functioning is not impossible.

not impossible is climbing eighty two flights of stairs to the observation deck of the empire state building. Dr. Tolia isn't critical that I don't want to climb the stairs twice a day. instead, he appreciates that it's perfectly okay to ride the elevator just like everybody else.

delayed

, originally uploaded by nirbhao.

I really want to fire it in this batch.

I got caught up in a spiral of doubting reality. it's quite the trip-- deciding that the anaphylactic shock is something I'm making up and the fact that I think it's real just shows how self-hypnotized I am.

oh yeah, and my phone was actually never broken. I just thought it wasn't working.

yeah. really. this is why the crazy person is never the protagonist.

bah titles

somehow, originally uploaded by nirbhao.

for one, I ♥ my sgraffito tool. *love* it.
for two, I might make big bobbin bowls out of regular bowls when I tear off their bottoms.
for three, holy crap term three starts on monday.
for four, I somehow managed to lose the rolling pin.
for five, new phone on the way

new tools

, originally uploaded by nirbhao.

I got a sgraffito tool. it appears that I cannot cut all the way through when making these kinds of designs.

I also got a tiny handsaw, some more trimming tools, and some other fun miscellaneous stuff that it isn't coming to mind.

the goal is to carve a fractal into a piece I very evenly tore the foot off of, because that will be neat.

I'll be firing this coming weekend. several short and wide pieces are ready, and hopefully they will fit on the shelves I have.

I need more shelves, but I have no desire whatsoever to pay shipping on them. haha

happy birthday, 2009. things just keep getting better for me, and I hope the same is true for you.

they are "elder americans."

let us feast, originally uploaded by nirbhao.

not senior citizens.

---

family time.

today was balmy, with temperatures in the mid thirties.

if only we were talking celsius.

I paid lip service to the little baby jesus on giftmas eve. catholic school crush (who we have since determined has cooties)'s parents sat in the pew behind my family. we shook hands at the sign of peace and they looked as if they feared I might explode on contact. I smiled and said, "peace be with you, Mrs. Catholic School Crush-- Mr. Catholic School Crush."

I still wonder which if the two of us they are angry with. maybe both. maybe neither. I don't like to believe that things in life can be so far broken beyond hope of repair.

catharsis

, originally uploaded by nirbhao.

I'm done with the beardcore hat. it's okay. it is not my best work, but I like it enough to still give it to Shane.

(this is John, by the way-- not Shane. John is a very good sport.)

my friends are the most amazing people ever in the whole wide world.

getting personal

I finished my first year of law school.

four years ago, at about this time of year, I was desperately trying to keep my life together-- in active denial at the implications of the hours and days I just couldn't move. given as much work as I've been doing this term, I can't figure out how I actually sat for my exams, knowing that I would be having heart surgery in a matter of weeks.

[edit: last time was when I had the upcoming surgery. I'm doing great now.]

I feel like I'm standing at the peak of a very tall mountain. I'm giddy. I can't believe the distance I've covered. I can't believe I stood there, down on the ground, which seems so very far away.

but it's windy, and now I have no idea what to do with myself. every possibility is open to me, and it is all good. it is wonderful.